3rd October

Well those survivors were right about one thing, there are no zombies in the city centre.

There's something worse instead.

I barely slept last night, disturbed by what I had seen inside the Potteries. The encounter with that zombie, which I was sure I could still hear moaning, as well as that corpse, had shaken me to the core. When I started seeing daylight through the shutters I opened them.

I had managed to find a change of clothes the night before, but I still felt wet. The last thing I needed right now was a cold, or worse flu, especially in such unfamiliar surroundings. The problem was the lack of heat. I would have started a fire, if not for the risk of disaster. The fact I was exhausted didn't help. I wrapped up as warm as I could and decided to keep myself active. I tested how well I could move in the layers I had on, rehearsing the karate kata I had seen on youtube. I had no idea how effective they would be in a fight, but now, unlike when I had learnt them in karate class all those years ago, I felt reassured by them. The kitchen knives I had sharpened and arrayed within my belt helped as well!

When I had gathered what I could from the shops within the centre, mainly winter clothing, I decided to head outside. There were several outdoor equipment stores on the main streets not far from the Potteries main entrance, except the main entrance was plate glass and locked. smashing it would undoubtedly attract zombies, and I was sure that other entrances were open. I left what I had gathered in Debenhams for when I returned. Following the route I remembered in the service corridors I emerged in the large loading bay underneath the centre. I heard it before I saw it, a loud buzzing from the main area. I looked and saw a swarm of flies surrounding the corpse of a naked young woman. She was covered in, and surrounded by, a large pool of brown blood. I was glad I hadn't eaten anything yet, although as I wasn't heaving as much as I had yesterday maybe I was getting used to seeing this kind of stuff. How morbid is that? I don't know why she was naked down here, but somehow I knew she hadn't been a zombie. Maybe I should be glad the survivor group hadn't been here. What if they had done this to her? I didn't want to get any closer so I headed for the open loading bay doors and outside.

The rain had stopped and the sun was shining. As cold as it was it sure felt good to get some sun on my face. I headed to the outdoor store and found that it had already been raided. I managed to get my hands on some proper thermal wear though, as well as a sleeping bag, a small portable camping stove, and most importantly of all, a decent compass. I dropped the stuff back at the loading bay before heading to the last place on my 'shopping' list.

Festival Park is a large retail area located about a mile, maybe less, from the city centre. Its got really big versions of high-street stores like Curry's, Boots and Mothercare, as well as the sort of shops you only see in these kinds of parks, like Toys R Us and PC World. PC World was my target. I needed spare batteries for my laptop, maybe even something more portable like an ipad, as well a batteries for my phone. I needed these things was not out of some longing feeling for the tech-savvy world that was ending around me, but because I needed to keep in touch, not just with Judi, but with the world which still existed. The UN had been discussing what to do the last time I had checked, and what remained of our own government might not have abandoned us completely. I didn't want to stray that far, but the only computer shop in the Potteries was locked up tighter than Fort Knox. The phone stores in town were the same. PC World was the only remaining option that might be viable.

The walk there was uneventful enough. There were a few zombies nearby, hiding in the shade, but I kept to the sunlight and I don't think they saw me. Unfortunately for me PC World had been looted. I don't know who would loot things at a time like this, although I suppose what I'm doing is very similar. Survival is one thing, but these people had obviously been after selling this stuff to make money. Unless things turned around pretty soon though I got the feeling that money was useless. I walked in to the dark warehouse-like building, using my torch to assess the damage. It didn't seem like a lot had been stolen, it must have been a small group of looters. I was moving towards the ipads when I noticed it. Movement. I stood still and turned off the light, relying instead on what little sunlight was coming through the smashed front entrance. I heard it before I saw it. The zombie was in the next aisle, facing away from me. I drew one of my knives.

I don't know how to describe what I was thinking at that moment. I know it would have killed me, and that it wasn't really human anymore, but I still killed this thing without a second thought. My left hand went over its shoulder and grabbed its chest, pulling it towards me. Careful to avoid its jaws I reached my right hand to the left side of its neck and plunged the knife into its flesh. It stuck for a split second before it punctured the skin with a faint popping sound. Warm liquid splashed my arms as I drew the knife across its neck, feeling the elastic pull back of the veins, as well as the resistance of the thing's windpipe. I pulled the knife from below its right ear and let the thing go. It collapsed, blood seething from its neck as it gasped its death rattle. I watched as it stopped moving, except for the odd twitch. As my breathing slowed I felt euphoric. The adrenaline rush of the kill had been exquisite. It was an addictive feeling, but once I calmed down the old, friendly sensation that existed beyond fear but before panic returned. I grabbed what I needed to and left.

When I returned to the Potteries I did my best to wash myself down. The blood had ruined the clothes I had. Fortunately it rained again in the evening, and so I just stripped down and went to the roof. It probably won't help my gradually developing cold, but the impromptu shower meant I was the cleanest I had been in days. Or my body was, my mind was far from it.

I realised that I had enjoyed that murder earlier and it scared me. I could justify it anyway I liked but the fact remained that I had killed someone, and worse I had revelled in it. I knew that this wouldn't be the first life I would take either. There was no doubt I would be forced to kill again and part of me eagerly anticipated it. Now I was never a pacifist and despite anger issues I am not generally a violent person. This turnaround scared me. What if other survivors were like this? What if we grew so addicted to taking lives we turned on each other? The image of the woman in the loading bay came back to me. I felt even more sure that the survivors here, addicted to murder, had turned on themselves. How else was one of them decapitated? The zombies I have seen don't seem capable of anything like that.

I had always held a very negative view of humanity as a whole. We have nearly destroyed our planet's ecosystem, as well as coming very close to wiping each other out a few times. But with this current crisis, what will the survivors turn into? Will we fight and kill anything in sight as our world burns? Will humanity's best and brightest get killed by those who adapt most easily to this new way of living? Will we eventually eat each other to survive, not knowing how to do anything but kill?

If my feelings after that kill are echoed by the other survivors, I feel that we may be worse than the zombies.